She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
