Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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