i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
