i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
