I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
