At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
