Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
