dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I will pee on everything he values.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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