Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't turn off my feet"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
