Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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