I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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