Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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