I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Boobs are out for the taking
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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