and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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