Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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