I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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