im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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