nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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