mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize