I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
