either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
