you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
