I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
