drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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