Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
