We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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