so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
