great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
