I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
