Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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