someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
