Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
