this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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