there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
