how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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