Define "chronic" masturbator.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
