my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize