i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
