So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it was like eating out sand paper
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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