booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
