How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I FOUND THE LEGS
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
