i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
