She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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