just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I want to fling myself into the sun
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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