1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
