Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize