marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
