Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
