I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
