i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
