I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
