Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
home. puking in laundry basket.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
