Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
