Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
