I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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