I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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