I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
