I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
