He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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