U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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