He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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