So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
