Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
