My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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