guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize