The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize