he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
