i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
