He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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