grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I touched a dick in church today
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
