Jerry, you need to find god
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
