Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
